Tag Archives: marriage

A mere slip of the pen

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Our wedding

Our Wedding -- April 8, 2000

Hey, look. It’s an artist’s sketch of a wedding day.
There on the left is the groom, all dashing and dapper in his tuxedo. He’s smiling with that faraway look in his eyes of a man in love. Maybe he’s thinking about the honeymoon.
Firmly planted in the middle is Flower Girl Extraordinaire, also known as the real star of this show. After all, this is HER day.
See her crown of flowers? The beautiful blue dress that coordinates with the bride and attendants? See the basket of rose petals?

A psychological analysis of this drawing would probably suggest that Flower Girl is creating an alliance with her new stepfather rather than with her clearly psychotic mother. Or maybe secretly she was glad her mother was getting married again — even if she’d never say it aloud. 
Which brings us to the curious figure on the right.
Dr. Phil, what say you? Where to begin?
The artist insists it was a slip of the pen that caused the bride to have a wonky eye, a twisted grin, an askew headpiece, streaks of red spilling down the center of her bodice. Nothing passive-aggressive going on here, right?

Of course, anyone who knows this wedded pair, this blended family, does not question the depiction of the bride. Not a one.
Even the bride herself laughed when she first saw this rendering of the day. You’d just have to know this bride to understand.

How did that ceremony go? Why, it was a fine and simple service that carried on while snow and sleet swirled outside,  high winds howled and knocked out power, and  airports closed leaving guests at the gate.

Love’s hypnotic power kept both the bride’s and groom’s eyes locked. Neither looked out the window at the meteorological meltdown. Neither saw the dramatic impressions from Flower Girl.  NOTHING could stop these two lovebirds from tying the knot. And so they did, in spite of being upstaged at every turn by the weather and Flower Girl Extraordinaire.

Nine years later, the bride  still has a few tics. Flower Girl has retired her crown and rose petals. And the husband? I think he still has that look once in a while, especially when there’s a glass of sauvignon blanc in his hand.

Welcome aboard, matey

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My husband — my younger husband — turns 40 today. 

He seems to be handling it OK. We have a big party planned for the weekend.

But it wouldn’t be a milestone birthday without some good-natured ribbing.

So, here goes:

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU ARE 40

First, buy these:

Soon enough what you are reading will begin to look like this:

Then stock up on this stuff:

 

 

 

To help prevent the eventual onset of this:

Prepare to trade this look:

for this:

Remember, after all these years we are still together, happy and in one piece. There may be some tape involved but we are together.  You have a touch of gray, maybe not quite the jackrabbit 29-year-old I started dating in the 1990s. As for me, I’ll bet you didn’t know I was hiding a spare tire and so much junk in the trunk when you asked me out.

credit: www.wingsfortheheart.com

credit: www.wingsfortheheart.com

Thanks 40, for that gift.

Remember: we were happy we married young enough for me to still be thin and not look obviously like an “older wife” and for you “to have all your hair.” We pledged to love one another no matter what Father Time and Mother Nature doled out.

But let me tell you Mister Mister, don’t make me buy one of these:

Because I’ve been practicing my crazy bitch act for a while now.

Oh, c’mon, you knew what you were getting into when you married me. Happy Birthday!