Great moments in parenting …

… to overshadow all the lame ones.

 Lame: Putting a portable DVD player in the pack and play with my then-15-month-old girl to keep her occupied while I took a shower.

Logic: While she’s watching Elmo, I can wash my hair.

Reality: Before I can uncap the shower gel, I hear the sound of something big and heavy hitting the tile floor. 

Result: Broken DVD player.

Lesson: You don’t place expensive equipment within reach of a toddler, especially when they are at the throw-it-to-see-what-happens phase of development.

Great moment in parenting: Deciding to reinvent the broken DVD player into the brand-new Preschooler’s Personal Laptop — just like mommy and daddy use.  So far, it’s working. It’s nothing more than a prop, but it fits into the Dora backpack and buys a few minutes of peace. Priceless.

laptop

Lame: Taking your 3 year old along to shop for her new shoes.

Logic: I need to know her shoe size.

Reality: See this post.

Result: Shoelessness, despair, excessive drinking.

Lesson: Leave the child home when shopping, for god’s sake. Well, make sure there’s a responsible adult watching her. Then run for the car and don’t look back.

Great moment in parenting: Getting a few hours to yourself to shop, stopping at shoe store without a goal in mind, finding THE PERFECT PAIR OF CONVERSE ONE STARS. And look: no licensed characters, no flashing lights, no glitter, appliques or neon shades. Tasteful. Simple. Done. And no one got hurt.

converse

Lame: Trying to put an overly tired child to sleep by reading classic books.

Logic: Reading is fundamental.

Reality: Child’s love for treasured tale actually fuels energy in the form of requests for re-reads, use of “funny voices,” searches for the rest of the books in the series, and endless bedtime delays. 

Result: Hyper child jumping on couch like a chimp on speed.

Lesson: Save the good books for nights with time to kill.

Great moment in parenting: Cracking open the laptop, logging on to the personal blog, reading a few of your recent posts to overly stimulated child. Within moments, the eyes droop, the jaw slackens and what’s that? Drool! Success. Transport child to bed. Log out. Pour glass of wine.