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During a much-needed mom’s night out with wine, food, and good conversation I learned that the A word and my Girl from the East came up with one of the families from our school.
Adoption arose as part of a much larger context, one encircling the areas of family resemblance, dominant traits, and individual uniqueness. It seems too complex for the preschool set, but now is the time when our children’s eyes open even wider to notice such things as tallness, blondeness, bigness, and differentness.
Specifically, the question of what makes boys different from girls, and how African-American kids in the class look different from the Caucasian kids led to how some families are tall and thin and some are short and wide and how some kids have two daddies or two mommies or some other defining trait.
“Like your friend, (Girl from the East),” the mother explained to my daughter’s playmate. “You’ve noticed she looks different from her mother. That’s because she’s adopted.”
“She doesn’t look different from her mom,” my daughter’s friend insisted.
“Well, yes, she was born in China. She is Chinese,” the mom continued.
“Noooo,” the young friend asserted, shaking her head. “She looks just like her mom.”
My heart warmed as I listened to this story.
That is the sweetest thing.
It never occurred to me that we could be regarded in that way, even if it is through the rose-colored lens of youth.
This is, of course, the portrait of our love for each other; we are blind to our differences. I think Girl from the East has my husband’s eyes and disposition. I know she has my penchant for perfection. I don’t know where she ends and I begin.
When I look at my girl’s smooth cheeks, inky black eyes, and cupid’s bow mouth, I see our history reaching all the way back to that smoky, crowded government office in Nanchang, China, when I first accepted her slight form into my arms. Her long limbs, elegant fingers, and thick, silky hair remind me of her birth family as none of us possess those traits.
It occurred to me that it has been years — years! — since anyone has asked any of us if we belong together. In the beginning, it was a constant affront.
And now, the court of opinion has grown to include one very astute five-year-old.
That is the sweetest thing.