I don’t mean to be rude, Ms. Palin, but last I checked, it was Nov. 14, that’s exactly 10 days after the election. Please be a good sport and go home. You have children who need you, including a special needs baby. You have a state to run. You have to plot your course for world domination. Best you do that in Alaska where the air is cold and pure. You need to get out of those stuffy TV studios.
Once again, the election is over. There will not be a recount. Please stop with the campaign talking points. Stop saying “Bill Ayers” and “Joe the Plumber.” Stop defending yourself and replaying every offensive and defensive move over the last two months. Whatever about the clothes. You’ve said your piece. Take a cue from John McCain and lay low.
I’m trying to be neutral about you. To not dislike you. But you are overexposed. Does the name Kato Kaelin mean anything to you?
The long road to the White House is over. You have made it up the Hill. No matter what happens next, you are an historic figure. A first.
Now, go get yourself some rest. Mourn your grandmother. Have yourself an inauguration and then I have a few simple requests:
Can I send you at least two e-mails a day?
Can I ask you for help when my personal deadlines are nearing?
Can I count on you for at least a $25 donation to help me meet my goals?
Will you wear my badge on your shirt? Plant my sign on your big White House lawn?
Will you call all your friends and family urging them to come out and support me when I visit your town?
Just wondering …
Oh Tina, you’re so fine
you’re so fine, you blow my mind, hey Tina, hey Tina!*
I don’t swing that way. But if I did, Tina Fey would be my “it” girl. She’s my girl crush. There aren’t enough adjectives to cover all the ways in which I adore this woman. I’ve always liked her on “Saturday Night Live.” So smart and sexy. And when “Mean Girls” came out. Shut up! I was impressed, infatuated and amazed. What couldn’t this woman do? Sadly, I’ve not watched “30 Rock” regularly. Not because of dear Tina. Oh, no. Just me not having prime-time TV time in my life right now. But this weekend was the big one for me. I’m head over heels, Tina baby. You deserve every Emmy out there. You deserve to be president. Forget Obama. I’m doing a write-in: Fey-Poehler.
*apologies, I suppose, to Toni Basil and “Hey Mickey”