Survey says . . .

Boy, I sure know how to pick ’em.

In this week alone, my city was named “Most Dangerous in America.”

My car made some Top 10 list for “worst vehicles.

“This news does not make me happy.

Where I live is a larger issue. Technically, it’s not my city on the list since I live in an inner-ring suburb directly north of Dangerville U.S.A. But we are a mere one-half mile from Certain Death. We’ve known this all along. We were warned that we were moving “too close to 8 Mile.” Yeah, Eminem’s 8 Mile. I like to think of it as Detroit:Rock City.

But, I’ve been here all my life. I spent the first half of my childhood living near 8 Mile. (The husband half of this relationship doesn’t like to me throw that around too much.) But it’s true. Eight Mile is a long stretch that covers a lot of territory, not all of it lined with prostitutes, wig shops and “Praise the Lord Auto Parts” emporiums. My parents have lived in and near this city their whole lives; same for their parents and so on. We go back a long way — like to its founding more than 300 years ago.So, there’s pride in that.

Danger, or lack thereof, hasn’t kept me here, either. Frankly, we’re not “safe” anywhere. I witnessed and was victim of more crimes when I lived in outer suburbia for nine years than I ever had within the city proper. I was robbed at gunpoint in the Suburbs. I had stuff stolen out of and from my car in the Suburbs. My neighbors were robbed at gunpoint and all their Christmas gifts taken from their trunk at an upscale Suburban mall. I could go on but the point is, don’t think because you live far from 8 Mile you are “safe.

“Our city has jumped on and off the list for years. The only thing that really irks me about it is when I travel. People really think you’re a hard ass or a survivor when you say you are from Detroit. You may as well say you are from Iraq. They think gunfire and dead bodies are part of our daily experience.

Enough said on that.

About the car, well, … yeah, not surprised. You might be asking yourself: Why, mother of two, would you purchase a vehicle with such a lousy track record? Mother of two would answer: Track record? I’ll have to play the dunce card on this one. My lease was up on my Pontiac Vibe, which I loved but couldn’t afford to buy, and I had no time to search. The Jeep deal was about as well-thought-out as a one-night stand. But I’m stuck for now.

Chalk it up as another lesson in my brimming book of “Why Looks Aren’t Everything.” This right next to the full file with color pictures of “My Impulsive Purchases.” Oh, if Salvation Army could talk, what tales it would tell.

Coincidentally, we are both researching new cars and beginning our five-year plan for relocating west of the Mississippi.Really.

****Yeah! Just read that we are No. 5 fattest city in the United States. Guess that makes us pretty easy moving targets, eh?