Entrée

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You can know people and not know them.

At any given moment, things can turn a corner.

I know this is true.

Last week I had a birthday. Most birthdays are ho-hum affairs. A little extra attention from the family and a close friend but otherwise, meh.

This birthday came at me like a sudden summer cloudburst, raining down shock and awe in the form of a surprise birthday party.

On a weeknight. At a friend’s house. It was festive and fancy.

There was a Pinterest page devoted to the planning and execution of it.

Seriously, this is not the status quo for me. This, along with a few other surprise developments, are the exhibits to make the case that my life has changed dramatically in the last year. I’ve engaged with the real world one hundred fold in the last year. I’ve opened myself up to any possibility. I’ve allowed vulnerability into my life and acquiesed to offers outside my comfort zone. I’ve tried to put others before myself to be part of the “village” that we all like to talk about so much.

The results stun me at times. I’m still a fawn on wobbly legs most days, making the mistake of expecting from others what they cannot give. Some days I expect too much from the universe. On those days I see how my ego is still running the show.

The other side of this is that 100 percent engagement in real life means a major drawback in the online world. And it’s not just me. I scrolled through my blogroll (I know, that’s so 2005.) and many of my favorite, longtime blogging friends have vanished. They’ve moved on, vaporized, left behind polite but vague messages, given up, or reinvented their online persona.

While I doubt I’ll close this site, I’ve certainly scaled back. That’s fine with me. I never had the big numbers. I’ve made some amazing connections and that’s just bonus material. I need a place to write and this is it. If someone, or two, comes around and likes what they see, thank you. If not, I’m OK with that, too. I’ve learned that online engagement is an enhancement, a side dish, to the entrée of life.

And last week that entrée was a bizarre tribute to me and the community that holds me up. As bizarre as it is to even write that sentence, I accept it as the new normal.

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8 thoughts on “Entrée

  1. First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Secondly, I am very happy to hear you’re NOT totally giving up your blog. I’ve been out here for 6 years and I’ve seen LOTS of people come & go. And I am glad to know you’ll still be here, even if it’s only every once in a while.

    • Meleah: You too! I think our birthdays are mere days apart. We won’t get into the year thing, though. I don’t think I could totally give up the blog without a fight. I’m not out to do anything but write.

  2. I’m still here reading every post you publish! Also trying to post something at my old blog at least once a month but not quite making it…

    PS Happy birthday!

  3. Happy birthday (I’m a little late, I know). I loved this post. I’m doing something similar — trying to let down the walls and engage with the world more. I’m so happy to read how you set an intention, and subsequently have been able to create such a supportive community in your life. That’s beautiful.

    • Wanderlust: Those walls are a bitch to knock down sometimes. I catch myself piling up the bricks, too, out of a lifelong habit. One day at a time. I hope you receive all that you deserve.

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