What did you just say?

People are made in China, too.

We all do it.

The brain issues the statement and the mouth broadcasts it faster than the censors can hit the bleep button.

Then, my dear, you are in the throes of an awkward moment.

Recently, I found myself on the receiving end of one while volunteering in Girl from the East’s kindergarten classroom.

In case you are new here, Girl from the East was born in China. She is an American citizen through adoption. She is the world to us.

Girl is six years old. We became a family in 2006 when she was just under 11 months old. Everyone who knows us well knows our dynamic. Although we cannot shield her from the ignorance and hate of the outside world, we are fortunate to travel in fairly educated and enlightened circles.

But when something changes, like starting a new school, we have to start fresh. We have to go through the shit — again.

So it came as a kick to the gut during a classroom holiday party when one of the volunteer parents uttered an insensitive statement for everyone to hear.

Apparently upset that the plastic glue bottle would not produce a dot of adhesive for him in a timely manner, he began banging the container on the craft table. Then, he stood up, handed the glue bottle to the teacher and said something close to this:

“Another useless piece of crap from China.”

OK. I know. We are in an election year. The anti-China rhetoric is blowing around like trash in the streets. We, especially those of us in the Rust Belt, gripe about the outsourcing of manufacturing to overseas factories. We all grumble that things are not made to last.  I’m just as upset about it as you are.

As I mentioned, my daughter was made in China, quite possibly to hard-working farmers, or severely overworked and under-compensated factory workers. It is not the fault of the collective overseas workforce that products are inferior. Look to the greedy corporations, suppliers and governments. Many of these factory workers travel hundreds of miles away from their home villages to earn wages to support their whole family. Some have children they never see.  It is an ugly situation and we all suffer the consequences of it through low-quality and sometimes tainted goods as well as job loss right here in the United States. It is a huge problem.

Please direct your anger where it belongs. Boycott products and companies that take part in these practices. Write letters. Start a movement. Please do not China bash, especially in front of my daughter or your children or anyone of Asian appearance.

Telling me, oh, I thought she was Korean, does not make it OK.

Our classroom is somewhat diverse. We have a racial and ethnic mix. Open bashing of any of the other races or ethnicities is unheard of in today’s hyper-sensitive school climates. Yet, China bashing is rampant.

My daughter is proud of her roots. She is too young to understand the complicated relationship between the United States and China (heck, I don’t get it, either.)  She is too young to understand things like Communism and the Cultural Revolution and emerging capitalism. She’s just a kid.

We teach her there are good and bad people in China. Good and bad businesses in the United States. We must take things on a case-by-case basis.

I haven’t forgotten that day or those words. I’m still wondering what to do. I started writing a proactive type of letter that could be distributed via the school’s weekly newsletter, but it doesn’t seem like enough.

Why didn’t I call him out? Why didn’t I pull him aside afterward? I’ve done that before to little satisfaction on anyone’s part. Perhaps I’m not the most diplomatic. Perhaps those who say such things are firm in their beliefs and are just twitching to engage in debate.  When I approached an offending parent at toddler play group a few years back, she vehemently stood behind her words, asserting that there is no correlation between statements of inferior products and the people of a nation. She suggested I grow thicker skin because the issue isn’t going away.

I’m not going anywhere, either. The day I held my Girl from the East for the first time was the day I knew I’d taken on an extra duties, ones that require added defense and offense for the inter-country adoption community.

So, please, take a moment to think about the source of your anger. Think about your audience. Think about the innocent people you might hurt with your uncensored remarks.

Thank you.

 

 

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15 thoughts on “What did you just say?

  1. I thought she was Korean?

    Oh, o.k., THAT makes it all better.

    I get this – particularly wondering how to deal with this. I was raised Muslim but don’t look like a “typical” Muslim, and it’s galling how many people just start spewing stuff because then what do I do? Arguing with everyone, particularly the intransigent, is exhausting.

    I wish I had a better answer. Or any answer.

    Sorry for the ignorance.

    • Suniverse: Religious polarization is another hot issue. Yes, it gets exhausting, especially when people act as if I took this on when I adopted. In some ways, I did, but I will not bear the weight of the world’s ignorance and intolerance. I know it all begins at home. I worry about that man’s son. His young brain is a sponge and it’s soaking up a lot of garbage.

  2. That makes me want to punch that parent. Right. In. The. Nose. I am so sick of insensitive comments. So sick. It seems like the election year is really bringing the insensitivity to the forefront.

    • Summer: You know I really wanted to kick him I was so mad. What stopped me was the realization that my daughter did NOT hear what he said. Had I piped in, she would have taken notice and perhaps gotten upset.

  3. I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I need to step up and educate every person who says something insensitive, and other times I am just too tired and wonder if people are just too stupid to realize it matters.

    Ugh.

    • Libby: I never think people are *that* dumb/insensitive until I turn on the news networks. There’s some stuff flying around out there that goes way beyond dumb and insensitive. Is there hope?

  4. “Please direct your anger where it belongs. Boycott products and companies that take part in these practices. Write letters. Start a movement. Please do not China bash, especially in front of my daughter or your children or anyone of Asian appearance.”

    EXACTLY!

  5. It’s torturous to hear anything you feel could make your child feel “less than.” Though it sounds like you’re building a strong, confident girl!

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