I need a sassy gay friend

Not since my youth have I had anyone resembling a sassy gay friend. In fact, I doubt I knew that the sharply-dressed-neatly-manicured-makeup-wearing-best-dancer-in-our-group guy was a sassy gay friend.

Sure, he was sassy. I liked the way he purred the word sass-ay.  He was a friend. But did I realize he was gay?  Probably not.

There was so much gender bender stuff going on in the ’80s, how was a girl supposed to keep straight who was gay, straight or on both sides of the coin? So many guys were wearing makeup, spraying their hair and wearing puffy shirts and tight pants. Some of the best dance clubs in town were inside gay bars. You’d think standing next to two guys locking lips would give me some insight. But how could I be sure they really were two guys? Sometimes it was two women who looked like men. Sometimes one was a man, the other a woman, and each looked like the opposite.

I’m fairly certain I was born without gaydar. It’s hereditary. My parents inadvertently subjected me to a weekend vacation at a gay resort. Not that there’s anything wrong with a vacation at a gay resort. It’s just that the other guests at the darling bed and breakfast on Cape Cod seemed a bit — puckered and clenched —  by the idea that Clark Griswold and clan were sleeping on those 2,000 thread count sheets. I’m sure we threw the whole aesthetic out of whack.

I have one gay not-so-sassy acquaintance who has given me an earful about all sorts of things I’d never have the nerve to ask someone who is gay. So, that’s been helpful. But would he advise me on the right jeans to purchase? Would he declare my landscaping trailer park? Would he slap the knife out of my hand?

Where are you,  Sassy Gay Friend?

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7 thoughts on “I need a sassy gay friend

  1. I don’t actually have a sassy gay friend. Although I think they make the best friends. But, I have an uncle that is gay & he & his partner are pretty awesome. I have quite a few gay friends but none really sassy as they are starting to tame with age as well…lol.
    .-= Collette´s last blog ..Calgon Take Me Away…NOW! =-.

  2. I have a few gay friends but they aren’t so sassy anymore. I remember those days in the 80’s, going to the gay bars because it was the best dancing around. Surprisingly, I don’t have any gaydar either, surprisingly because I was raised by a gay parent at a time when they all stayed in the closet. I was confused. I did know from the beginning that Ricky Martin was gay but even Ray Charles could have seen that one.
    .-= Jen´s last blog ..Tribal Blogs Update =-.

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