My husband — my younger husband — turns 40 today.
He seems to be handling it OK. We have a big party planned for the weekend.
But it wouldn’t be a milestone birthday without some good-natured ribbing.
So, here goes:
WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU ARE 40
First, buy these:
Soon enough what you are reading will begin to look like this:
Then stock up on this stuff:
To help prevent the eventual onset of this:
Prepare to trade this look:
Remember, after all these years we are still together, happy and in one piece. There may be some tape involved but we are together. You have a touch of gray, maybe not quite the jackrabbit 29-year-old I started dating in the 1990s. As for me, I’ll bet you didn’t know I was hiding a spare tire and so much junk in the trunk when you asked me out.
Thanks 40, for that gift.
Remember: we were happy we married young enough for me to still be thin and not look obviously like an “older wife” and for you “to have all your hair.” We pledged to love one another no matter what Father Time and Mother Nature doled out.
But let me tell you Mister Mister, don’t make me buy one of these:
Because I’ve been practicing my crazy bitch act for a while now.
Oh, c’mon, you knew what you were getting into when you married me. Happy Birthday!