How low can you go?

Welcome to the November edition of Glamorous In Real Life, hosted by Marcy over at the Glamorous Life Association.

Today we will tour my glamorous basement. Please make sure to grab a pair of goggles, slip on some latex gloves and step into your sturdy boots. Do not breathe until the tour is over.

We’ll start by admiring the lovely windows:

Notice how the glass blocks diffuse the light, casting artful shadows on the mold/mildew/fungal garden blooming on the sill? This is our feng shui room. We’ve had both wind and water in this room, which has contributed to the natural landscaping.
Please resist the temptation to touch the plant life.
Is the aromatherapy kicking in yet? Eau de cat poop? Essence of sewer gas? Both are naturally occuring and not the result of a special soy candle.  Here are the culprits:

Pay attention to the old-world detailing on the floor. This is the result of several sewer backups as well as liberal doses of bleach, which effectively ate away at the gunmetal gray painted surface. Try to tear your eyes away from that sexy drain cover if you can. I know, the rust gets me every time.

I have decided to divert the tour away from cat litter box row. While it is an interesting exhibit, it is a touch too graphic for some of our more sensitive viewers.

Say, here’s a classic example of  “shabby chic” wall decor. I particularly admire the texturizing. I think it adds depth and character to the room, don’t you?

Finally we close the tour with a peek into what we call a “mystery” spot in our basement. A cozy little nook for overnight guests or long-term visitors. Imagine curling up with a good book and a cup of tea on a snowy afternoon.

Thanks for touring our glamorous basement. We are proud of our accomplishments,  which are the direct result of both intense neglect and crushing ignorance. Please return eye wear, masks and gloves before leaving the building. Have a nice day!

8 thoughts on “How low can you go?

  1. That’s hot MZ. I can imagine curling up with a good book, there in the guest nook. Looks warm and comfy. I’ll bring some smokes and Mad Dog 2020 right over.

  2. This is so well written it is amazing. SO dang FUNNY. Oh and yeah…this is totally the kind of glamour to bring to the party!

    Really appreciate you stopping buy. Watch out Mr. Linky is drunk and hitting on everyone!

  3. K:Eek! I should have offered free drycleaning for HazMat suits! Next time, next time.
    And ALJ: Lets pour some MadDog on that nook and toss a lit smoke in there just to see, you know, what might come of it.
    Marcy: It wouldn’t be a party if someone didn’t get drunk.

  4. Wow. I’m speechless. Imagine that.

    And how thoughtful of you to think of guests during this holiday season. It looks like you’ll have the perfect cozy little spot to put them up in! Especially those pesky guests who don’t bother to call ahead. I’m sure they’ll feel so special in your little nook.

  5. Don’t laugh — in Tokyo that little nook would be considered a one bedroom apartment.

    Made me laugh, Ma’am, and I Stumbled it, for what that’s worth. I hope it introduces some new people to your brand of funny. 🙂

    — Laurie

  6. Pingback: Mom Zombie » A few of my favorite things — and a prize

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge