Cooked brains

Random observations: Girl from the West told me today that she was worried that the pill I gave her to take for her allergies may really be “ass lax.” I think she meant Ex-Lax brand laxatives. Since I extracted the pill from a small case in my purse and we couldn’t read the print on the capsule, she reasoned that it could be possible I’d mixed up an antihistamine with a laxative, ’cause I guess I’m a walking albeit blind pharmacist. Ass lax is quite catchy, and accurate, don’t you think? While out with Girl from the East last week I had a refreshingly hilarious encounter with an earnest teen girl. Teen girl looked at baby girl and at me and back at baby and asked: How is she mixed?I asked teen to repeat. She did, wanting to know about “the mix.” Somehow I knew what she meant. I declared East girl to be 100 percent Chinese.Teen’s head swung back around to me and as she blurted: Are you Chinese? No, I told her. The wheels are spinning now. Are you her mother? she asked in return. Yes, I said. Silence. I broke it by explaining that I adopted baby girl from China. Oh! She’s cute, teen said, relieved that the potentially awkward moment had passed. End of story. Questions over. Honest. Forthright. Absolutely not rude. Why did I think that by leaving my job and staying home “full time” I’d be able to chip away at my miles long to-do list. Why? I have a toddler who at any given moment is stuffing her cheeks to capacity with cat food,  leaping on the couch as if there were safety needs installed below and sampling bird bath water.With these particular challenges, it takes me all week to weed one garden. Earlier this season I was determined to keep up with the outside work. There has to be a way, I told myself. Lately, being the zombie that I am, I’ve kind of given up. Having a toddler is the perfect excuse for explaining away the weed field I call a back yard, the spindly, bug chewed plants I call a garden, and the peeling atrocity I call a garage.Most people nod in understanding.Then I met a woman who also has a toddler. She also has a breathtakingly beautiful home, cooks from scratch, works out religiously, always has the latest fashions and freshly colored and styled hair, spends majority of her time with her child,  and IS NICE. Clearly all of my shortcomings now can be blamed on my teenager.

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